Category Archives: ELT Humor

What-like what-like English?

ELT Humor

Parmeshwar Baral

We have boarding schools now, imparting ‘education’ in English medium. Teachers use classroom routines in English, teach lessons in English, probably not paying attention to whether the learners understand them or not. Following are some funny Nepali-English expessions you might encounter in English medium schools in Nepal. I leave up to the Choutari readers to make their  interpretations in relation to what this means to our society, identity, and role of English in the Nepalese context.

1. There is no wind in the football.

2. I talk, he talk, why you middle talk?

3. You rotate the ground 4 times.

4. You did no homework? You go and under stand the tree with one leg and catch your ears.

5. I’ll give clap on your face.

6. Bring your parents with your mother and father.

7. Why haircut not cut?

8. Why are you looking outside at monkeys when I am in class?

9. Throw paper in dustbin or I’ll throw myself.

February ’10 Fun Stuff

ELT Humor

a. Serious Fun: here is an extremely inspiring video of a talk given to the online video archive of inspiring speakers of the world at ted.com. The speaker is an Indian scholar and politician, Shashi Tharoor, who explains how soft power–the power of culture, education and technology, and the image a society builds of itself in the world–is going to determine which society leads the world in the new century. This made me think that Nepal must and can also redefine its identity from being the country of tourist guides and imprisoned child goddess to the country of intellectuals who influence the global knowledge market. video opens in a new window.

b. Fun for English Teacher website: if you are a tired teacher who wants to take a break on the web, or a teacher who needs some fun stuff for class, this site has a collection of funny things about the English language. Happy fun English browsing!

c. Meaning depends on context: How many of the humorous signs listed on this web page do you understand–well, do you have to think twice or carefully before you laugh or smile?

d. Finally, here’s an interesting (actually serious) YouTube video if your internet speed is okay. It’s about a dying teacher who inspired many people.

Classroom Humour (Jun 2009)

ELT Humor

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5.00 am.” The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said… “It is 5.00am; wake up.” ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. She was working late one night, and as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated. The next day a student came to her after class with his essay she had corrected. “I can’t make out this comment you wrote on my paper.” The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a minute, sheepishly replied, “It says that you need to write more legibly!” …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on. “Well, I finished the exam in half an hour,” said the student, “but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.”

( Source: http://www.101funjokes.com/school_jokes.htm)

Teacher Humor (NeltaChoutari May 09)

ELT Humor

Students are very often funny, sometimes even inspiring, because of their curiosity, their effort, their honesty. Here are two cases.

A COMMON SNIPPET YOU MIGHT HAVE ALREADY HEARD

Ankit was rote-learning some English words that his teacher taught at school. “my mane miss ko, my mane miss ko, my mane miss ko…” (”my” means “belongs to Miss”–because his “Miss” had said “my” means “mero” in Nepali). His father, who was watching TV heard that and instantly corrected: ”Ankit, no, ‘my’ means ‘mero’,” NOT “miss ko.” Ankit said “ho ra” (is it?) and went away to the kitchen, where his mother heard him repeating “my mane baba ko, my mane baba ko…,” to which, like a caring mother, she instantly responded: ”Ankit, no, ‘my’ doesn’t mean ‘baba ko’–it means ‘mero’.” Ankit did not know what to make of the explanation that followed, but he took the new meaning seriously!

Next day, at school, Miss Pabitra said to the class, “La ta bhana ta nani haru ho, ‘my’ bhaneko ke ho?” Ankit thought he had more ideas than the rest: ”Miss, ‘my’ bhaneko baithak kotha ma ‘baba ko,’ bhansa kotha ma ‘ama ko,’ ani ikkul ma chahi ‘miss’ ko”!

ARE YOU COCKSURE?

(by Shyam Sharma)

When I was teaching English in grade 6 one day, I shared a new technique for learning new words which I had heard at a NELTA training: You know that you can best remember word meanings and make words your own by using them. When you learn a new word, try to find as many opportunities as you can to use it.

Then no sooner than I had started teaching the lesson of the day, Dinesh raised his hand and said, “Are you cocksure about that?” I was a bit confused. “Dinesh, why are you using the word ‘cocksure’ in this context? Remember what we said it means when we came across it?” Dinesh said, “I just wanted to remember it by using it as often as I can.”

Classroom Humor (Apr 09)

ELT Humor

Classroom Humor (Nelta Choutari Apr. 2009)

Interestingly enough, some of these linguistic errors are NOT funny if we consider that they could be elements of the local English where they occurred (most people in the context might understand what is meant).

Don’t use two words where one is enough: as in men’s (male sex). Don’t translate words; translate sentences. (from engrish.com)
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It should be any one (separately), otherwise you’d “use” people! (from engrish.com)
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It’s all “crap” here (instead of crab). And that’s why phonetics is important. (from engrish.com)

CARTOONS (from cartoonstock.com)

If teaching language is all about grammar, then this lady is gonna be a terrorist in the world of principals.
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This is from cartoonstock.com. No, the computer can’t do the thinking for you.
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Thinking like you do can re-produce excessive numbers of fools.

Classroom Humor

ELT Humor

Nelta Choutari March 2009 Issue

Humorous anecdotes can sometimes be very useful tools for teaching language. They make classes lively and entertaining. Maybe some of these will be useful spice for your class.

Little Julie was sad and sitting on the back bench. Teacher came in the class, and she found Julie sitting at the back, where she never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Julie?”
Julie said, “Ma’m, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Julie said, “Then, Ma’m, I have not done my homework.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Teacher: Why have you come so late to class?
Darwin: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Darwin: The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Martha was a Math teacher. She asked her pupils: There is a tiger and three lions walking down in a jungle. It is raining fast. What is my age?
Little Mary stood up and answered: 32 yrs.
Martha: How do you know I am 32?
Little Mary: Simple, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Samantha was teaching arithmetic to her fifth grade students. She gave a problem to solve: “Suppose, there are a dozen sheep and six of them jump over a fence. How many would be left?”
Little Julie: “None,”
Samantha: “None? Julie, you don’t know your arithmetic, start studying well.”
Julie: “Teacher, you don’t know about sheep. When one goes, they all go. It is better if you keep your sheep inside the boundary
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Mary thought of teaching her students something about God.
She asked her class, “Where does God live?”
Sam: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: What? Why do you say that?
Mary: Well, You know Mam, every morning my daddy bangs the bathroom door and says, ‘God, are you still in there?’

(Source: Fundoo Times- http://www.fundootimes.com/jokes/teachers.html)

Classroom Humor (NeltaChoutari Jan 09)

ELT Humor

AS MANY ANSWERS AS THERE ARE STUDENTS

Teacher: Sarita, make a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Sarita: I is the…
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.
Sarita: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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INNATE HONESTY OF TEACHERS?
Ramesh and Rajan were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
Teacher: Why are you arguing?
Ramesh: We found a hundred rupee note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
Teacher: You should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the money to the teacher.